The Policy is “Whatever” – Dec. ‘08 to July ‘09

Friends are meant to stay together and save each other’s lives forever.
Instead  you hid away so well you never made a sound.
We tried to say we’d never part, but the policy was severed, darling,
and I can’t take the blame for everything this time around.

And today I’ll get off of my knees
and cut you out just like a disease.
I’ve found ties cut by degrees
Give survival odds worse than these.

‘Cause you burned our bridges while I slept,
And all that I have left is
The feeling that I’ve thrown my heart away…

It’s in the aches and pains and the semen stains.
It’s in the letters that you wrote that made you seem so far away.
It’s in the tears you cried, blue eyes, bitter chains…
You know I said I’d do whatever it takes, I’d do whatever it takes…

Friendships end with words as weapons, sending hate with love professions;
Seal the fate of all we kept alive those summer nights.
You tried to lie forever, but the policy’s “whatever.”

And I’ll never forgive you this time,
But I still go back every night,
Hating the ways that I try
To believe I just need more time.

But you broke my back when I went blind,
And down here on the floor I find
The feeling that I’ve thrown my heart away…

It’s in the aches and pains and the semen stains.
It’s in the letters that you wrote that made you seem so far away.
It’s in the tears you cried, blue eyes, bitter chains…
You know I said I’d do whatever it takes, I’d do whatever it takes…

If you’ve been trying to let me know,
Sorry about me; I catch on slow.
But you could have spit it out and come undone when you saw I’d begun.
Thus, starry-eyed and sleep deprived,
We loved and lost; well, such is life.
But the only days we had were the early ones.

It’s in the aches and pains and the semen stains.
It’s in the letters that you wrote that made you seem so far away.
It’s in the tears you cried, blue eyes, bitter chains…
You know I said I’d do whatever it takes; I’ll do whatever it takes…

If you can’t see why I’d let you go,
Sorry about me; I let on slow,
‘Cause I’d just hate to see the look on your face the night I throw it all away.
But I can’t stay down here ignored when I don’t know you anymore.
You know I said I’d do whatever it takes…
…When everything starts to break…

…When everything starts to break…

Happy birthday, part II.

‘Cause I need something solid I can hold,
Like a dog that comes when I call…
Like a brick I can throw against a wall…

And I don’t need you.
No, I don’t need you…

- Jimmy Eat World, “Yer Feet”

Happy birthday.

So happy Valentine’s day.
I hope the sun’s out in New York.
I hope he bought you roses…
I hope he bought you roses.

- Alkaline Trio, “Enjoy Your Day”

Beechwood and Dragon Heartstrings – Dec. 2007 to May 2008

The original idea for this song came to me while watching Accepted. Back then, the idea was that this was about the triumph of myself over any institution trying to hold me back from being everything I could be. But it eventually came to be a bit more narrow. This is about finally being thankful for getting out of a broken relationship. It hurt when it ended, because I cared about her, even if things about her grated on me like hell and if I really didn’t handle everything charitably, and because I didn’t want to be without her, partially because of who she was and partially because she was someone who cared enough to talk to me most every night. But since then, I’ve slowly come to realize how glad I am I’m out of it now. We weren’t right for each other. She wasn’t good for me. This is a song about the long road to accepting that.

Bring On the Rain – Feb. 2008 to Sept. 2008

This song borrows lines (both lyrical and musical) from a few old songs I had written (“Regrets Only,” “Silence Syndrome,” a bit of “Monet,” etc.). Some of the motifs are used again because it’s a shame they previously occupied such poor songs. But most of the ideas are new, and the familiar ones take on new meaning here, which makes me happy.

I acknowledge that the line “bring on the rain” has been used by both Tim McGraw and Boys Like Girls, but I didn’t know that when I first heard it, and the line was so completely entwined with the ideas behind the song that I couldn’t drop it (though believe me, I tried).

This song is about a few different things. First, it’s about a lot of dreams I’ve had. I’m fascinated by dreams, and the ones mentioned here have been great. The “human flight” one is the best dream I’ve ever had.

Seize the Day – July 2008

First things first. Yes, there’s a naughty word in these lyrics. I apologize for that if it causes offense, but there are limited ways to fit the thought that Emerson sucks into the melodic line in my head, and it makes nice alliteration. Kyrie elaison.

This song was (primarily) written during and reflects a week of my life just before I turned 17. I was on a missions trip to Bertha Hill, WV with a wonderful group of people. I could say that I was coming to terms with myself mentally and spiritually and that that’s what gave rise to this song, and that’s sort of true. But the greater truth is that I wrote this song based on how I felt when hanging out with people.

It was the third-quickest song I’ve ever written, clocking in at only a week and finished only days after the events described occurred. There are some awkward lyrics, but that’s almost a good thing; these were generally sophomoric and awkward times.